How Do You Respond To Your Child Telling You They Are Bi?!

Easy…with love.

TRIGGER WARNING

I know this is a highly sensitive topic for some, but please understand this is a real event that happened, and these are just my points of view, and perspective, respectfully.

So two days ago as i’m looking to increase my blogging productivity and have joined a few blogging groups on FB, One of the tips I received was to put some of my content on Pinterest. I haven’t used my Pinterest account in quite some time. When I upgraded my iPhone to the 11 Pro, I gave my daughter my 8 plus. I never did a total factory reset to the phone, I just deleted all my pertinent information, (and my explicit adult gallery👀)

and registered her with her own apple ID. So many of the apps I downloaded to the phone were still there, including Pinterest.

So as I go on my phone, to log into my Pinterest account, Instantly, I realize my daughter had replaced my profile photo with her photo and most of my boards and pins have been replaced by her content. I began to get upset about it, but I was distracted by the consistent theme of her newly pinned boards. As I began to scroll down the recurring theme was female anime’, girls, girls girls, then…

some LGBT boards.

Oh did I mention she’s only 12? Yeahhhhhhhhhh.

So I gathered myself, and my thoughts,

At this point, I’m not even upset, I’m just shocked and have questions. I had to use the bathroom, so I’m thinking how to approach this, a million thoughts are running through my head, I just call her name. She says “Yesssss” and comes, but she doesn’t come all the way to the bathroom door opening where I can see her, clearly because I’m on the toilet, which was a lifesaver because I don’t think I could’ve looked her straight in the eye in the beginning of the conversation anyway. Yes I’m the parent, but it doesn’t make it less awkward. So I started by asking… “So you edited my Pinterest profile?”

My daughter is very silly, So she’s laughing at first she thinks it’s funny. I then asked “and you deleted some of my boards and pins right?” Now she stops laughing and just answered “yes ma” and walks over to the door opening so I could see her. We are just looking at each other for a few seconds because I think she realized at THIS point where I was about to get at. So She’s fidgeting with my curtain strings I have in the hallway and

peeping through every few seconds waiting. So I just come out with it! I ask “so what’s up with the LGBT boards? Is there something you want to tell me?”

She starts smiling and says “ok ma, I’m bi”

“You are what now? I’m sorry.”

“I am bi sexual ma “

Now it was at this moment, as shocked as I was that my pre teen was standing before me, and repeated to me a second time, that she identifies as bi sexual, that I tried to be as objective as possible, I chuckled a little in disbelief. The chuckle was more like, you have to be kidding me what does a twelve year old know about being bi sexual!

So I asked: “And when did you make this Discovery Pooh?” Her: “ummmm around last year or so” as she still plays with the pink strings.

Wow so she basically told me she knew she was bi since she was 11. I cannot make this up. The crazy part is her father always jokingly but seriously said he would be glad if she turned out gay so he wouldn’t have to worry about boys and pregnancy. Welp! I know he will be proud.

I was still shocked at all of this. But despite my thoughts, beliefs and feelings I told her to come here, gave her a big hug ( still on the toilet by the way) and I told her I still loved her no matter what. I can tell she was super relieved. As she walked away I shook my head. All I could think was, we are for sure in another day and time, and although it seemed easy, it wasn’t.

Safe Space

I couldn’t help but imagine all the people who don’t feel like they are in a safe space to come out. The level of anxiety they must have about it. This is something I stumbled across, she didn’t willingly share that with me. I had to basically pull it out. I give my kids so much lee way, I feel like I’m a cool mom that they can talk to about anything, yet she did NOT feel comfortable enough to bring it up to me, so just imagine someone who is homophobic and super judgemental. That could’ve gone alot differently. My ten Cents are that if we love our children, honestly and truly, then despite what our feelings are, we should create a safe space for them, because after all, they came from us. At some point, we all have gotten in our heads and when you dwell there on thoughts that may well or may not be true without someone talking you through, bad things can happen. So be that hero that talks the person off the ledge not the catalyst for black dress wearing, hymn singing and faces on t shirts.

“I believe EVERY problem can be solved with an UNCOMFORTABLE CONVERSATION. Problem is, people don’t like being UNCOMFORTABLE “.
-Empress

So let’s get a little Uncomfy. Because the suicide rates are astounding, and it comes from being ostracized, depressed, bullied and living a lie. We all have to be accountable for ourselves at the end of the road. The personal choices my children make do not add or subtract my karma or Dharma.

Suicide Statistics

Suicide is the 2nd leading cause of death among young people ages 10 to 24.¹
LGB youth seriously contemplate suicide at almost three times the rate of heterosexual youth.²
LGB youth are almost five times as likely to have attempted suicide compared to heterosexual youth.²
Of all the suicide attempts made by youth, LGB youth suicide attempts were almost five times as likely to require medical treatment than those of heterosexual youth.²
Suicide attempts by LGB youth and questioning youth are 4 to 6 times more likely to result in injury, poisoning, or overdose that requires treatment from a doctor or nurse, compared to their straight peers.²
In a national study, 40% of transgender adults reported having made a suicide attempt. 92% of these individuals reported having attempted suicide before the age of 25.³
LGB youth who come from highly rejecting families are 8.4 times as likely to have attempted suicide as LGB peers who reported no or low levels of family rejection.⁴
1 out of 6 students nationwide (grades 9–12) seriously considered suicide in the past year. [5]
Each episode of LGBT victimization, such as physical or verbal harassment or abuse, increases the likelihood of self-harming behavior by 2.5 times on average.⁶

Stats and more information can be found here.

And if you are that person needing a safe space or someone to talk to call :1-866-488-7386 available 24/7 You are here for a purpose, you are beautiful and wonderful and you deserve to be here operating in your authentic self. And if no one has told you today, I ❤️ love you, Period!

I will leave you with this, none of us are perfect, I’m pretty sure we all have a closet in need of cleaning. Yes everyone’s closets contents are different but nonetheless, it’s still a mess. Whatever your mess is, consider how it would be and feel if society, and loved ones supported you in coming out that closet or judged you constantly. It’s different when the shoe is on your foot. Never thought this would come out of my closet, but I’m glad it did. I want for my children the life I teach them about and want for myself. To operate fully and freely being themselves, loving, growing, being open, uninhibited and unabashed. Mental clarity and positivity to CREATE and just BE… THAT is freedom, and it’s right outside that closet.

You will NOT be another Statistic.

Peace & Light to you. Ase’